Adulting, Motherhood and the many roles

 I was a studious kid, brought up with a lot of moral values akin to a typical middle class family & I carry forward the values with pride. Adulting in the books of a millennial is very different from what we see now. The first time I stepped out of my comfort zone of being with my family was when I was 19 years old for my Masters degree. Not very far away or in a strange land- I ended up in Kerala where I could converse fluently in the local dialect. Can't really call this an uprooting but this was my first experience away from my family. Those two years did give me a lot of life experiences which I otherwise would never have had. I was also blessed with a wonderful circle of friends who literally took care of me. I was one of the very few lucky ones who was campus recruited right after my course and I landed in Bangalore. I had no idea of the place but my only condition to move to Bangalore was that my parents should join me. Fast forward to few years, my parents had to move back to my home town and at the age of 25, I was on my own. Running the household, taking care of myself and I was doing it all. I was always an Independent person and this only gave me more responsibility which I happily embraced. 

Not long from then I got married, moved to a new home and a totally new environment. In a few years, my world expanded with my in laws and my little one joining us. It has been 7+ years now since my life has revolved around this tiny family of mine.  I always heard many of the mommy's tell me to take the time off from family and spend time away for myself. I never paid attention to this until one fine day when I had to travel alone for work reasons, leaving my 4 year old with my husband and in laws. I realised just then that the last time I had travelled alone was way back in 2016. I finally thought I will get all the time I needed, most importantly- I can have the window seat to myself, I don't have to worry about packing toys, play cards or carry the additional home food. I so looked forward to the time alone and I eagerly packed 3 books with me given that I will finally have the much deserved 'Me time. 

What followed through though was something that I had least expected. I boarded the cab to the airport and all the way to the airport ride, it was my daughter's never ending questions that she otherwise keeps asking me that was running in my head. While boarding the flight it was yet again her enthusiasm and her excitement seeing the Indian Oil Rhino logo on the airbridge that I missed. I eventually took the window seat but I missed giving her the colouring books and crayons. I realised just then how much my life has been revolving around her world. I could hardly focus on the books I carried! The two nights away from her, despite a known environment of staying with my parents, was more of an emotional ride for me. 

I missed the once Independent women, who explored places and did not have to think twice about going for an impromptu dinner or just spend hours together reading books or binge watching movies. Parenting is hard. But I think Motherhood is even more harder given it changes you a lot more than what you expect it to be. I am still an independent woman who drives to work, manages to find time to catch up with friends and all of that. Yet, there is a lot in me that has changed over the years. I now understand more about the mommy friends who would share their plight with me while I was single. Back then I always thought I was never going to be like them. With the one travel experience,  my perspective has definitely changed for good. 

I vowed to take up all the opportunities to travel which I so far avoided citing 'my daughter needs me'. Me being away is also going to make my daughter independent which otherwise will become a story of her wanting me around always. While it still feels like a hard bargain, I also know that I am never going to be the person I was back then. However, I do have to make some conscious choices which in no way is going to make me any less a mother. 

So to fellow mommies- do take that time off and get your Me time. 

Cheers!

Me Myself :)