To the Future Husband!

Ok! I never thought I would write one on this ever. I have least interest in becoming like the now infamous Indian Author who gave an official entry into his bedroom (and what not) in his book '2 states'. I reserve further comments on that for now. Alas, after 5 years of meeting some 'prospective' grooms and having tried to find a guy on my own, I thought it was best to write down my experience. I guess I am way too qualified to not write one being 28 years and 4 month old. So here it is..

I knew from the time beginning that finding a guy, falling in love is not my cup of tea for two simple reasons. One, I always ended up being the youngest in my class and hence was always treated like a kid (things just didn't change when I went for my MBA either!); Two, I did not feel like I had the patience to devote time with someone and psst, I wanted to play it safe than taking it on myself. So having said that, like any Indian family, it became the responsibility of my parents to find a guy who would bear with me for what I am. I had my first encounter of meeting a guy way back in 2011 when I was 23! My dad was out of station and hence it was just mom and myself home. I have seen few of these encounters of my sis and the prospective grooms. So I had an idea of what it was going to be like. The guy and a friend of his agreed to come home and meet me. Mind you, this was after the stage one of 'Horoscope match'. I vaguely remember talking to this guy for like 15 minutes may be. My mum had invited my neighbor uncle to come over since she felt she wouldn't be able to handle this on her own. It was all the neighbor uncle and the guy talking after that! I had a gazillion butterflies in my stomach on this meeting. From then on, it has been a series of 'Horoscope check', 'Family comes for Chai' and boom! from there, it hardly progresses.

In my community it is a sin and a crime for the girl to be not married after a certain age. I am now the biggest criminal and for few maybe there is some problem with me 'cause am not married yet! So its not just the parents who involve themselves in finding a guy for the girl, but the whole circle of relatives and extended relatives or to put it in simple terms- any person who knows there is a girl in the 'marriageable age. And hence, year 2011 there was another proposal, that was suggested through a relative after the stage 1 of Horoscope match. I was told the guy works in Dubai, is an MBA, and is the only son. It was September 4th when I got this info and 5th of September I was informed that the engagement will be in November and wedding will be in May the following year! I almost fainted. I haven't spoken a word with the guy, the families had spoke over call and here is a wedding discussion going on! But that is how things are done. Unfortunately, I don't fall under the category of 'I am ok with everything my parents decide'. I have always had an opinion on my own since I was 8. So a decision like this was not going to happen as masterfully planned by my 'well wishers (The relatives'). Thankfully, my parents have always been liberal and hence do not force things on me (maybe they realized it doesn't work that way)

I pinged the guy on Facebook (oh, thank you Zuckerburg) and coincidentally it happened to be his birthday. I had a good reason to start. (Gasp! The girl initiated the conversation with the guy) I had 7 days in hand exactly, to get to know about this guy, before the families met and finalized on things. I started chatting with him through Skype, FB and yeah, text messages as well. I neither liked the guy nor disliked the guy. So I assumed this was normal and ok. After 7 days of courtship, he finally proposed to me as well and yes, the butterflies in my stomach were back. On the day, the families were to meet me and the guy decided to fly down directly for the engagement (I still don't understand how I agreed on marrying someone without even seeing him). So things went on smooth and my folks went to the guys place and in less than 30 minutes my dad called me and apologized! I was taken aback and when I asked him why, he told me that the guys parents asked for dowry- more than what we could afford. I got wildly agitated that my dad was apologizing to me for this and I told him 'Appa, you should have gone to the nearest police station and filed a complaint and left. I have absolutely no regrets and I don't think I am going to be happy there' That was when my dad was relieved! And the guy, who was on cloud nine and continuously on calls with me until then, just vanished and was never to be seen or heard.

While the hunt for the groom continued, I progressed Professionally and also Personally through the multitude of interesting experiences that life gave me. I met a whole lot of guys after this (post the horoscope match of course) and eventually I thought there was something terribly wrong with me that I am not able to find one. My interaction with them all lead into one conclusion- Men just can't decide for themselves (not generalizing and not being a sexist). It is a problem for a guy if the girl is earning more than them or if the girl's family isn't ready to pay a certain dowry (I straight away say a no if they ask dowry since that incident) or if the girl wants to work after marriage and these are besides the usual expectations of fair skinned, long hair, homely (but should party!) and the endless list. The ridiculous part of it was 'Should be well educated but stay at home'.

I finally decided

1. Horoscope match is only for people who believe in it; I don't and I would rather meet the guy in person and decide than some random guy deciding on the match over 500 rs/-
2. Dressing up for the 'occasion' and awkwardly not knowing what to talk in the 30 min we are given to decide on a life time decision- NO!!! I will meet the guy on my own first and only if we are ok, the families can meet

By this time, I was marked the Rebel in the family since I outright said no to a proposal when the guy expected me to stay home and already started discussing about starting a family!

It is an unending war that I face every single time when a proposal comes by.  While I continue my battle and the hunt, here is to the man!

Dear Future husband

1. I don't give a shit about how old you are! Be my age or elder to me, but please act your age. And I don't mind if you are not a 6 pack/8 pack or Bald or even shorter than me.
2. I don't have a problem if you don't have a problem with me earning more than you.
3. No, I am not ready to give you dowry that you ask. My parents will do their best. But if you ask- nope, we will not sail together.
4. UNDERSTAND- I have as well earned a MBA after struggling and I have had 4 promotions in a span of 6 years. Hence, Kitchen and Finance is our equal responsibility. Nope, I am not trying to boast. I respect both of our professional life which is no harm.
5. No, I do not expect you to pay for the coffee when we meet out.
6. No, I will not question you if you have more friends in the opposite gender. psst- back at you
7. I have absolutely no problem if you had been in a relationship before. Just don't carry that for eternity.
8. There is going to be no demarcation between 'your parents' and 'my parents'. Don't even ask me if you want to continue support 'our parents' financially or otherwise. which applies when I want to as well.
9. I am moody (blame it on being a Cancerian) but I am also equally funny, talkative and I guarantee you will never be bored. So if all you want is some quiet and peace when you come back home after work- don't even think of settling down with me.
10. Please be patient with me since I may take time to start trusting you. Falling in love is not an easy thing from what I have observed.
11. If you can make me laugh even after a spilled coffee (the biggest crime!) you are definitely more than what I can ask for.
12. Talk it out. I am the kind who would rather tell things on the face than not talking to someone. I have thus earned some genuine friends being so and you can trust me on that. Definitely, your secrets are going to be safe with me- Friends first, couple next.
13. I am not a tough nut to crack anyways. I am just a normal human being. So please treat me like one.

And finally- we are bound to be a team, I am definitely ready to take that leap when I know you are the one.
(Oh, by the way! 13 isn't an unlucky number!!)

VIVE!
Me Myself :)