In the name of Love

I was catching up with friends of mine and we got on to the interesting topic of the things we do for our respective spouse' or kids all in the name of Love. As we kept sharing things, it sort of hit hard on me that it's almost always the women who make amends, try to fix things and get life going all in the name of Love. 

The patriarchal thought that irrespective of the man or women who is at the wrong end, it is the women who is expected to reconcile; we have been trained too well to forgive and forget, we have seen our mothers' grandmothers' aunts' do this always. Personally, there are a few in my family whom I admired since my childhood- the real 'Men' who didn't hesitate to make amends, to do things that were generally considered not so 'Manly'

 Here are few things that I can summarize..

1) The man being the first to wake up and make the morning coffee/ tea and sharing the morning newspaper with the wife too when she is up

2) Giving bath to the kids and help them get ready. Pack lunch or cook too some days

3) Not waiting at the dining table for the wife to serve the food (malayalee families will much relate) & most importantly, cleaning the plate. Ensuring everyone has an equal share of food, education, money and that the Gender alone doesn't guarantee a privilege of extras.

4) When things go south, discuss with the wife as an equal partner and decide together as a family. 

5) Not blaming the wife for things like health of self, wife herself, kid, parents. Rather being there emotionally not just physically

6) Not expecting anyone else to be supportive of any new ventures which includes buying a car, a house or any asset but rather a strong will and belief that both partners can make things work out. Specific call out- not expecting the wife's family to bear expenses including child birth. A 'man' who truly understands that this is his family and not some money lending bank with no repay option he has gotten into.

7) Relationship matters more than one's ego and understands the true meaning of life, encourages his kith and kin to have their own opinion

That I had to even call out these basic things speaks volumes. 

I have seen many suffer in silence and in some cases women not even realising the impact.

As long as we let our Daughters and Sons grow in an environment that encourages anything otherwise, patriarchy is here to remain. In the name of Love, let's not make our Sons think they are God sent masters and our Daughters are mere servants. It is important to help them understand, there is no privilege based on your Gender.

PS- please do keep the 'feminist' tag to yourself, unless you know what it really means.

Cheers

Me Myself