Let's talk Postpartum

 I have been wanting to write down my thoughts about my pregnancy and most importantly about post delivery. I finally found time with my little one now turning 3 months. 

I knew better on what to expect of my pregnancy- thanks to my Gynec and some mumpreneurs who helped me understand Pregnancy better. My first interaction with my Gynec was this- "Pregnancy is not a disease". While we Indians always talk about how it's important for pregnant women to eat for two, not to do any heavy lifting or even basic workouts, restricting pregnant women from doing many things, these mumpreneurs were my inspiration to continue do whatever my body was ready to. 

I am a moderately active person and it was one of the mumpreneurs who broke the myth for me that pregnant women cannot do workouts and helped understand we can do all that we did before. Of course it depends on how your pregnancy is and for me, I didn't have much complications other than nausea and tiredness towards the last leg of my pregnancy. I was very much active and would go for walks, do squats, Butterfly exercises, wall push ups till the day before my labor. I was also working till the day before my delivery. I did not do all these to have a vaginal delivery. These were things that I did to help me recover better post delivery. A c-section or vaginal delivery depends on that minute- I have heard stories of women progressing well into labor

, dilated fully and then going for emergency C section.

Here are some things that I did which helped me a lot during my pregnancy

- Information is wealth but not Googled info. Read researched articles/ books 

- Always listen to your gynecologist. She/ He knows better. 'if you think eating papaya is going to cause miscarriage, that is what will happen. What you think is what will unfold' some true words shared by my gynec. Hence it's important for you to stay positive

- Listen to your body. There will be days you will feel like running a marathon and there will be others where you don't feel like lifting a finger. It's fine to be at both extremes but do not stick to just one.

- NO. YOU CANNOT EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT during pregnancy! It's not the time for eating junk. Giving in to once a while cravings is fine.

-You will need to educate yourself on few terms like cervix, placenta, amniotic fluid and so on irrespective of your interest in biology.

- Being mentally strong is extremely important. But that doesn't mean you cannot feel anything other than happiness during your pregnancy. Practically not possible! When you feel like crying, cry- when you are angry, vent out. 

- Pregnancy preparation is not just for the women. Your husband has an equally important role as well especially if he is to accompany you for your delivery (I would personally recommend/request every man out there to be with your wife during her delivery. It's a lifetime experience that you wouldn't want to miss out and it means the world for the women to have the husband around)

- Pack your hospital bags by the 34th week. Asians generally don't go till the 40th week and anytime from 37th your baby will pop.

My Labor:

I was 37 weeks and 7 days when my little one popped and I hadn't even packed my hospital bags! My contractions started as early as 3 am and I was walking around thinking it was just some gastric issues. By 5 am I thought maybe it's not gastric and woke up my husband who diligently got to packing the bags. 6.30 am tried to go back to sleep since my contractions weren't severe yet and by 7 am decided to tell my folks (both parents & in laws) that I am probably going into labor. Both the parents freaked out and rushed me to run to the hospital. I was extremely cool and told them I am not leaving the house without a shower and breakfast. This being my first pregnancy, I was able to handle it cool and well because of all the right knowledge I had gained. Cut the story short, went to hospital by 9 am. Did a NST (get familiar with the terms) and my little one was doing fine. Seeing me so calm the nurse exclaimed it could be false alarm. By then doctor comes and checks and tells me I was going to labour and am 3 cms dilated! In another 5 hours my little one came out screaming and helped me push her out without epidural or much complications. I still credit her for working with momma to come out.

Tip- attend Lamaze sessions if your hospital offers one. They were the biggest relief for me throughout my contractions.

- Spend time daily to talk to your little one while in the womb. It definitely works wonders. My little one instantly recognised me and my husband, thanks to our daily conversation. And she also decided to come on the date we sort of had asked her to.

To the husband who accompanies the wife: you will need tons of courage, patience and trust to witness your wife bleeding heavily, see her in pain and still encourage her. I cannot thank my husband enough for not loosing his cool.

Post delivery:

While I was well prepared for the pregnancy and to an extent the delivery as well, I wasn't prepared for postpartum. It's like the movies where they show you "And they lived happily ever after" but not beyond. As much as knowledge and resources are available for pregnancy & delivery there are hardly few that talk about postpartum. My 3 days at the hospital hence was something I wasn't completely prepared for. Yet again, it was my husband who managed the little one like a pro. I guess Father instincts kick in instantly when the child is born. 

Here are some things to know

- You will have stitches irrespective of vaginal or c section delivery. Perinnial bottle was my life saver not just at hospital but back home as well. Also, sits bath- is going to be your biggest relief. Buy both these aids without any second thoughts

- Don't forget to carry your toiletries and make up! Trust me, changing from the hospital dress to my own feeding dress after a shower and using a little lipstick was a great mood lifter! 

- When my little one came out- it wasn't love at first sight. Rather a disbelief for a long time. It's completely fine if you don't feel instantly connected or have oodles of love for your little one. It takes time and it's completely normal. You are not a bad momma if you don't feel that bond. Give it time

- Breastfeeding is an art. I was hell bound on doing exclusive Breastfeeding for my little one until reality hit me hard. Be prepared for sore nipples, leaky breasts, sleepless nights and the constant anxiety of - is my little one full. I went on a trail of mom guilt when initially I couldn't feed her with latching issues. Big mistake!! While yes BF is important, do not over stress yourself. BF works on demand and supply mode. So do not worry. It takes time as well and if you aren't sure of what you are doing consult a Lactation consultant. Also note, you are not going to produce litres of milk! It will hardly be a spoon initially and that's all what your little one needs then. Be prepared for constant crying since your little one has to get used to a new environment. Do not assume it is because of hunger and guilt trip thinking you aren't feeding well.

- The first month is going to be a learning for both you and your little one. You will take time to understand if the little one is crying for milk or a wet diaper or simply because he/she is bored!

-Just because you delivered a little one doesn't mean your world revolves only around him/her. Don't live under the rocks! Keep yourself engaged in things other than diaper and feeding. Speak to your partner and take turns to ensure you get your me time- be it for reading the news or catching up on your favourite show (maynot happen in one go) or reading few pages. ( I tried audible and started listening while feeding but soon let go of it. I need to feel the book for me to read so it wasn't my cup of tea). 

- Most important thing- stay HYDRATED. You are actually losing calories when you are breastfeeding and it's very similar to your workouts where you keep sipping water in between. It took me a massive dehydration and rushing to the ER, taking IV drips to understand this. 

-Take help when available. This was yet another mistake I did. I started spending all my time around the baby and I was sleep deprived, mentally and physically drained and I broke down. How much ever patient you are , there will be times when your little one will get on your nerves. During those times- do not try to pacify the child yourself! Hand over the child to the next responsible adult in the family and step away for few minutes. You do not want to vent your anger at the little one and regret later (I thought this wouldn't happen to me but who am I kidding)

- You will experience emotions never felt before how much ever a rational person you had been. Don't be hard on yourself- it's the harmones.

- Health is wealth. Hence find time to do some exercise. Walking is the best to begin with. If it comes to a choice between an extra hour of sleep and exercise, listen to your body and make the decision.

- You may not find time for each other as husband and wife or even as friends to sit and chat. Be prepared for that and yes make use of the pregnancy time for the time spent together.

Some things that friends/ family around can do 

- First and foremost- we are not celebrity couples and hence do not expect the wife to be back in shape immediately. Do not comment things like you have become fat or worse you look like an aunty now! This probably is the worst thing to do, blame it on the media who have created this image of moms being back in shape in no time and looking younger. 

- offer help. In the midst of pandemic mothers are overwhelmed with all that's happening around. So be there even if it's to listen to her venting.

- Maternity leave is called maternity and not vacation leave. The time off doesn't mean she has oodles of time in hand or is having fun. Hence stop expecting her to be available for all family calls or friends catching up. Or even for her to call or message you regularly

Life with a new born isn't easy. But at the same time it really is one of those things in life which you will look back with happiness. Everyday will be a learning experience and that's something to look forward to in these otherwise trying times.

Cheers! 

Me Myself :-)